because he said "if all goes well"
before i had a wonderful life changing/slap in the face wake up talk with this man, my dream career path was pretty much...simple. learn whatever shit i can get out of this course, head to university, have a bright bright future, work in some huge and famous company, get to travel around the world(like now, first stop india) to find the perfect location to set up a business(which i have yet to know wtf it is). right, i know you have some issue with me dreaming of getting into some university with this kind of failure results. BUT WAIT! lets say it's suppose to be like this.
firstly, lets not change the "plan" planned. like he said, "if all goes well", in other words, if my dream works out. am i willing to give up all i have here? my family, friends, commitments, everything. leaving behind everything i have built and gained here and go for my dreams. the cash in return will be a very satisfying amount, but i will end up being alone. very very lonely. the fact is, i'll have friends all over the world, friENDs. this is the warning he gave and he asked me "so are you ready for this?"
well.. he got me speechless. i wasn't able to give him a definite answer. i wasn't sure if i am ready to not be there for my love ones. personally, it wouldn't be a problem for me to adapt to new cultures and environments. i just don't wish to turn what is suppose to be in a birthday card into SMSes. i am not ready to turn hand made presents into store vouchers and face to face greetings into web-cams. my mum is going to look like trash if she lose me as her fashion police! how could i ever let all these happen?! all these had never came across my mind.. i never thought i would end up lonely. not that my family would leave me hanging. even if they are there for me, i may not have the time since i will be spending 364days per year abroad. so the truth comes back, i WILL end up being lonely but loaded.
some people in my life are given the privilege to hurt me as hard as they want and still being forgiven in the end. but these "privileged beings'' may not indicate me in their privilege-list. get the link? some mistakes may seem nothing to me but it may be a taboo to another being. having a close friend to disapper for 364days per year with only short messages in between as contact may seem to be unforgivable to many. but this is what's coming in my way, all the relationships here will under go an ultimatum challenge.
see, so the cycle goes again. i can't survive being poor, neither can i give up maintaining my familyships here. i thought it was an idiot proof career, earning big bucks with evrything unchange. but being poor is a super duper NO-NO!
oh i see, we've got an answer.